THE JOURNEY...the physical and mental aspects of it, are all too consuming at times for me but then I remember the cross...heavy and splintered, laying across His back as He carried the weight of the world...my world, for me, Tameria, so that I can lean on Him and forever live with Him if only I believe, get out of my own way, and let Him work His majestic wonders...Oh I believe but I seem to have trouble getting out of my own way at times, stumbling over this life...trying to control it...worrying about it...surviving...and then He whispers it, "Fall in love with me and the rest will fall in place"... and I rest.
I remember one time shortly after my divorce I was driving home after an afternoon of giving vocal lessons and I began to talk to God, praying and just having one of my many passionate chats with Him over my life. As the tears stung my face I remember saying to Him, "This isn't at all what I had planned Lord...I'm suppose to live happily everafter. I'm confused and I'm tired and I'm sad and scared and..." then it happened, all but audible His words pierced my heart..."Fall in love with me and the rest will fall in place"... I immedietly stopped crying and finished my prayer telling the Lord that I did love Him and that I would trust Him. I mean I got my answer through the still small voice...and I knew I loved God so I would just trust Him.
Years later, I'm in another town, another place, another life and I had just left a job that I loved...it hurt me to do so but I knew I had to and that night sitting on my couch not knowing what was next, I began to pray. My prayers sometimes get intense when I'm in a life situation, and I began to cry out to God, what now? What's next? I'm tired, confused, scared ... and after all those years ... those words came back to me, "Fall in love with me and the rest will fall in place" ... I noticed them right away and prayed Lord I do love you, I've never stopped loving you. The words came back again only this way this time, NO!..."FALL IN LOVE WITH ME"...I sat bewildered and then like a child who has just figured out a puzzle it hit me. When you fall in love with someone it's totally different than loving someone...loving someone is something you grow into...when you fall in love, you feel giddy, you have butterflies over it, you want everyone to know, you want to walk with that person, talk with them, be with them, learn about them, care about their feelings, and be willing to take a stand for them...you are smitten, you are more alive, more conscious of yourself and how you look and you change in ways that you don't really understand but you do it for love.
After all those years, I got it. I was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...I get it Lord. Now...you'd think I'd even be better at loving God as it's been another few years since that happened ... and I do feel like my journey has been sprinkled along the way with my witness for God and I've matured in my faith but then this morning ... it came ... and I'm writing to say that I'm in love with God and my prayer is that people will notice that love and that it radiates throughout the rest of my life as I continue to grow. - T.
